Becoming "We": Why I Changed My Name

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I have a very distinct memory of hearing a speaker, prior to my marriage, offering advice to married couples and suggesting that they introduce themselves as “we.” As in: “Hi, we are the Yoests. Nice to meet you.”

Over at the Volokh Conspiracy, Eugene asks married women why they changed their names, if they did.

I changed my name so that together the two of us could become “we.” Now, we two have become seven, and the idea of “we” is even more important. Nay, essential.

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Charles and Ruth Shaw

My Grandparents

Actually, I can’t express it any better than does one of my favorite poems, written by my Grandmother . . .about being “we.”

We

I was I and he was he

A ceremony made us ‘we.’

When in the sight of God and men

We pledged our troth and kissed our kin

And set our sails … breathlessly

On the matrimony sea.

My handsome prince

… he held my hand.

My every wish

… was his command

Until one day

… I said, ‘I think we

Should see my friends

… more frequently.’

He said, so loud … it shook the house

That he was man … and not a mouse

And furthermore … he said we should

See his friends more … he said we would.

He said, we would … most certainly

I said, we won’t … we both said ‘we’.

Strange, when we do … or don’t agree

One thing is clear … we both say ‘we’

Now that’s the secret … for love to grow

Through Summer’s sun … and Winter’s snow

Through diaper rash … and teething ills

From P. T. A. … to college bills.

Through three-point circuit … and inner-city

And Pastor Parish Relations Committee

Through Conference moving time … again

When you’re not one … of the bishop’s men.

Through covered dishes … well, thick and thin

Love like this … will never end

For when we do … or don’t agree

We still find joy … in being ‘we’.

Sarah Ruth Baird Shaw and Charles Shaw were married nearly 50 years before his death in 1986, and had seven children together. Baby Boo was her 15th great-grandchild. (My truly amazing grandmother has a website, and more poetry here.)

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