My (simulated) F-14 Crash and Humiliation



F-14 Tomcat

Your (Army) Business Blogger had no business in the cockpit. My instructor was a Vietnam vet with Mig Killer license plates on his truck.

He said the F-14 was a “Man’s Plane.” Sounded sexist. He explained that the old hydraulics required real strength — after a couple of hours, even the strongest studs needed two hands on the stick.

Not for girls.

So I thought.

But I was wrong, again.

I bring the Penta-Posse to Oceana Naval Air Station to show them how macho military men (like their father) defeated Communism.

We get invited to some F-14 training. I climb in the trainer. The instructor guides me through the take- off and some maneuvers. The room spins. The world spins.

And nobody was shooting at me. Although lots of people were yelling at me…

Time to bring the baby home. I turn. Lots more yelling. It might have been me.

The world, the screen freezes. At a funny angle. IRL (In Real Life) it would have been a $38 million mistake and DNA remains of Your Business Blogger.

My instructor: “Success. You did great!”

Me: ?

My instructor: “The seat is dry.”

Me: ?

My instructor: “No puke, no p!ss.”

Navy humor.

After my showing off, the kids are not impressed. The Diva, age 6, female, issue-one-each, slides in the front seat sim. Confident. In control. And zooms.

Perfect landing. “Just like PlayStation,” she says.

I expected a few more years to pass before they passed by the Old Man.

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Thank you (foot)notes:

Women shouldn’t be in combat, but The Diva can defend herself. With an F-14 if the need arises.

New aircraft are easier to manhandle. With fly-by-wire. (Auto maker BMW is experimenting with these controls for wheeled vehicle steering.)

Anyway, the Navy is retiring the F-14 Tomcat. The 32 year-old warbird will be missed.

The world’s most recognized aircraft — the fast and lethal F-14 s roaring off into Naval history.

The people who supported research, development, test and training for the mighty Tomcat will soon shutter the program on Patuxent River Naval Air Station.

The Tomcat program (PMA-241) will host a disestablishment ceremony in Pax River’s hangar 2133 April 27 at 2 p.m. Rear Admiral David Venlet, NAVAIR’s Program Executive Officer for Tactical Aircraft and a Tomcat aviator, will speak at the ceremony.

Blockquote from

Visit NAS Oceana.

RantingProfs has a detail overlooked by the media.

Open Post at Mudville Gazette!


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1 Response

  1. Curt says:


    I got in the “golf ball” back in 95…and my Canadian Navy LT was in the other. We managed to chase each other around for about 2 hours. I swear I was pulling G’s by the time I got out. My LT died a few times from my guns, but I did fly underground once. The trees look strange upside down…..